Kuroshitsuji Shorts
by lolzy33
Summary: Alois and Ciel have a surprise round of strip poker. Sebastian and Grell find themselves something similar to friendship necklaces - only sexier. Sometimes things don't go exactly as planned. -A growing collection of Kuro shorts in all different shapes and sizes.
1. His Butler, I Told You So

**Characters: Ciel, Sebastian, Madam Red. **

**Genre: Humor. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

It was a tiring day. After heading home from a visit to Undertaker with Sebastian, Madam Red, and Lau, 12 year old Ciel Phantomhive was one exhausted earl. There was one thing Ciel couldn't get out of his head though. Madam Red's story. What was it about? Sebastian had covered his ears throughout the entire thing, and now this curious earl wanted to find out what he had been missing. Settling himself onto the couch opposite Madam Red, he carefully placed his cup of Earl Gray onto the table, and made eye contact with his aunt.

"Aunt An," he started and then continued on, now having his Aunt's full attention. "That story you were telling at Undertaker's; I'd like to hear it. It sounds like it could be very entertaining, and if Sebastian doesn't want me to hear it then it must be."

Sebastian was by Ciel's side (he had been dusting the book shelves) in an instant. "_Young_ master," said Sebastian, putting extra emphasis on the _young_, "Some things, I'm afraid, are much too vulgar for your ears. I _did_ cover them for a reason. Perhaps when you are older-"

"No." Ciel firmly stated. The more Sebastian tried to deny him from his Aunt's storytelling the more intent he became.

Resigned to his master's decision, Sebastian bowed. "Yes, my lord." _Back to dusting it is!_ _Can't say I didn't try…_ Sebastian threw a quick glance at Ciel over his shoulder and couldn't help a small smirk. _This should be very amusing…_

Madam Red perked up. "Ooh, Ciel! I'm so glad that you're interested in my story! It's about time you've moved on to more exciting things." She squealed, happy to have an attentive audience for her lewd tale. Ciel lifted the cup of tea to his lips, taking a slow sip of the warm liquid while waiting for his aunt to begin her storytelling.

With a chuckle, Madam Red began. "Alright, here it is: So then his *beep* was *beep*! And his *beep* was *beep* too! Ahahaha! And get this, the *beep* with the *beep* was all over the *beep*! Can you imagine? And the *beep* with the *beep* *beep* *BEEP*!

An hour later, shaking with laughter, Madam Red drew her story to a close with her usual dramatic flair.

The entire room was silent.

The sound of breaking glass shattered across the still chamber.

Ciel didn't even notice the tea soaking into the white carpets of his living room floor. His tiny frame was slumped over the couch, his eyes widening in horror. "Oh my God!"

Sebastian marched briskly over to the tea stain and began collecting the shards of glass buried in the carpet. Noting the spreading mess, he clucked his tongue in disapproval and heaved a large sigh. "I warned you, young master…"

**A/N Please review! : ) **


	2. His Butler, Annoyed Part I

**Characters: Grell, ****Sebastian**, **Lady Black. ;) **

**Genre: Humor, romance. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

"Bassie!" A certain red haired shinigami burst into the room, and instantly latched himself to a certain demon butler.

"Grell, this is absolutely the worst time to be interrupting me. A very important guest will be arriving in less than 3 minutes, and the whole house is an absolute wreck. The garden, the food, my clothes…" Sebastian didn't even look up at Grell. He was too busy pulling his hair out in agony.

"Aww, don't cry dear, it's not good for your complexion, you know." Grell wrapped his arms around Sebastian, only to be quickly shaken off by the upset butler.

"You wouldn't understand…the pain and agony…" Sebastian stared glumly down at his lap, his long bangs falling over his face in a curtain of hair.

"What the hell's wrong with you? This isn't like you! This room's so miserable it's probably ruining my complexion too!" With an almost horrifying change of mood, Grell leapt up and ran to the mirror, quickly soothing his fears.

That was the last straw for Sebastian. "It's Lady Black; she's gone missing! And now I can't think without her soothing purrs to help calm me…"

Grell dashed to Sebastian's side with the look of a schoolgirl about to hear a particularly _juicy_ tidbit of gossip. "A _lady_ you say? Oh dearest Bassie, you wound me! What does she have that I don't?" Grell soon began muttering to himself, "It's only been a few weeks and he's already cheating on me…the nerve…"

Sebastian snapped his head up, a disgusted look on his face. "I don't know what you mean by 'cheating' I was not aware that I was being tested. Anyway, I shall oblige your request." Sebastian carried on, his face set into an unreadable expression. "She is small, has sleek, black fur, and soft, dainty paws. She truly is one of a kind; a thing of beauty." Sebastian was glowing, his countenance softening up a bit and a small blush dusting his handsome features.

Grell looked weirded out, but continued in his interrogation. "Er, how lovely. How old is the thing, anyway?"

"Oh, I don't know. Around 3 or 4 years old. So much wisdom packed into such a small frame…"

"You bloody pedophile! Going out with some little kid when you have an adoring proper lady right here?" Grell's teeth snapped with the force of his yelling, him and his chainsaw emanating emotion. "This isn't the Sebas-chan I used to know and love! Hmph. Well I'll find your little bitch for you. But only to return you to your normal self – God, what is wrong with you?" Grell was so close to whacking himself in the face with his own chainsaw.

Sebastian just looked upon Grell's temper tantrum with an amused expression. "Hmm…I don't know what you mean by 'pedophile', but I thank you for your offer. I shall accept. On the condition that the instant we find Lady Black that I may escort you off the premises."

Cheering up considerably, Grell turned to Sebastian. "I actually forgot the reason I had come here. I had such an odd dream and I had wanted to share it with you. Dreams are very important things, you know. They don't come too often to Shinigami." Grell's voice lowered to a whisper, giving the impression that what he was revealing was top secret information. His little moment was soon over, and then he was back to his flamboyant self. "How about we find your bitch, I tell you my _wonderful_ dream, and _then_ I can be escorted off the premises." Grell said, in a voice that you usually don't reserve for bargaining with someone.

Sebastian sighed. "Very well. It's a deal. However, I have one more request. Before you go looking for Lady Black, can you also see that the estate is in order for when the young master's guests arrive? I'm sure you can handle that much." Traces of his old smirk came back to Sebastian, only to be quickly masked by a formal grimace.

"Farewell and good luck." With those parting words, Sebastian gracefully shoved Grell out of the room, and slammed the door in his face.

"Will's going to kill me."

* * *

><p>"Whew, what an exhausting day. My manicure's positively ruined." Grell glanced down mournfully at the chipped red nail polish.<p>

He had waltzed into the kitchen wearing his old butler disguise. Grell had scared the entire Phantomhive estate by his new found efficiency. The evening had gone perfectly. Grell could be a very hard worker when he chose to be. The servants couldn't believe that the same clumsy butler from before had made everything somehow work; it was very Sebastian-like.

"The lengths I go to for love. Sebastian better appreciate this." Grell muttered to the dark hallway in which he stood. He had been searching desperately for Lady Black for the past 15 minutes, but so far there had been no sign of her. He jumped when he heard a shriek from down the hall. It was coming from Sebastian's room. With the war cry _Bassie!_ On his lips Grell quickly transported himself into Sebastian's room.

Grell's chainsaw roared to life. He was about to charge into the room when he noticed a very odd sight from within Sebastian's chambers. There, on the floor, was Sebastian, his hands clasped together and a motherly expression on his face. Grell followed Sebastian's fond gaze to a small black cat, busily lapping up a bowl of milk lying on the ground.

"You came back. Do you realize how dreadful I was at being a butler without you here? Lady Black, I missed you so…" Gently stroking the shiny black tufts of fur lying atop Lady Black's head, Sebastian sighed in contentment. The cat echoed Sebastian's contentment with a soft _purr._

"What the hell?" Grell yelled, for perhaps the 100th time that day, "Lady Black…is a c_at?_"

**A/N Please review. :) **


	3. His Butler, Annoyed Part II

**Characters: Grell, Sebastian, Ciel, Will. **

**Genre: Humor, romance. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

"Bassie! Dream sharing time!" Grell was lounging on the couch in Ciel Phantomhive's office. He shifted to a sitting position in his excitement.

The owner of the office was now sitting at his desk, face palming himself rather vigorously. Turning to the tall man to the right of him, he questioned, "Sebastian, did you really promise Grell that you would listen to his story?" Sebastian simply answered with the slight nod of his head.

"Very well." Ciel looked at Grell. "You may share your dream with Sebastian. Right here, though, I want this over as quickly as possible. Sebastian, go sit down and hear what Grell has to say."

"Yes, my lord." Sebastian stiffly took a seat next to Grell, and coldly avoided his gaze.

"So I see you haven't forgotten about our little arrangement after all." Sebastian was back to his old self. He was trying to cover up the cat incident.

Grell practically shivered. _I just love a cold, cruel man, what can I say? _"Well, I didn't exactly get enough time to tell you…"

At the exact same time, the three occupants of Ciel's office looked up towards the exact same spot on the ceiling, and shared a flashback.

* * *

><p>~Flashback~<p>

* * *

><p>"What the hell? Lady Black…is a c<em>at?<em>" Before Grell could say anything else, someone stepped on his face. Grell let out a yelp.

"Hello, pardon the interruption, I am William T. Spears of the…" The Shinigami (who had recently been in the process of squashing Grell's face) paused upon seeing Sebastian. "…Oh. It's you again." William eyed the demon butler on the floor with obvious disdain. "Good bye. This _thing_," William kicked Grell to emphasis his words, "should not be bothering you again anytime soon." Grell and William quickly vanished.

* * *

><p>~End of flashback~<p>

* * *

><p>Sebastian shuddered. "I'm almost certain that William is letting you come here to bother me on purpose…you do it so often."<p>

"No, I'm just one hell of a shinigami." Grell winked.

"I wasn't even there! Now quit flashbacking and get on with the damn dream already!" Ciel yelled. He was feeling a bit left out.

"I'm getting to it, you little brat!" Grell sneered at Ciel, who calmly returned the look with his trademark smirk.

"Now you've got me all upset! Fine, fine, I'm getting on with it! So here's how it went…" Grell quickly launched into his dream, making sure Sebastian was paying attention.

Sebastian wasn't really paying attention. So far Grell's dream was something about two school gangs and something about Grell and Sebastian having a forbidden love for each other…but that was all Sebastian had gathered so far; he wasn't exactly paying attention to details or anything.

"…and we were all alone, and kissing and it was simply marvelous, but then…"

Sebastian had to cover up Ciel's ears at that moment. The last time Ciel had tried to hear something he wasn't supposed to, things had _not_ gone smoothly…

At last, it was over.

"So, Sebas-chan, what do you think? Be honest!" Grell grinned.

"That was…the most pointless thing I have ever heard in my entire life." Sebastian bluntly said.

Grell groaned. "I thought you might say that…"

Ciel, looking visibly peeved, stood up suddenly. "All of you, out of my office, now! I'm getting sick and tired of never having any time to myself! Whenever I go into my office it's either Sebastian and the Queen bothering me with work or getting kidnapped. Everyone is always in my office, you hear me, _my_ office! Even when I go out on vacation, do you think I can rest knowing whose hands I'm leaving my estate in? And then Elizabeth is always showing up, along with you blasted shinigami, for once in my lifetime I'd like some peace and quiet!" Ciel was starting to get rather hysterical.

Sebastian pulled out his pocket watch.

_It's 2:00 in the afternoon…about 1 hour after I usually serve the young master his tea and dessert. With all of the excitement I must have forgotten…_

Looking at the hysterical, dessert loving, 12 year old boy, Sebastian glanced back down at his watch, the delicate silver hands steadily moving bit by bit.

"Oh dear."

**A/N Please review. :) **


	4. His Butler, Disapproving

**A/N Requested by treena-ivy-carter. I hope you like it; I did my best! **

**Characters: Alois, Ciel, Sebastian, Claude, Hannah, Luka. **

**Genre: Humor, romance. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitusji. **

**Other: This is after Alois is 'dead' but I didn't want to make Ciel a demon, so he's not a demon, and Sebastian is still serving him and stuff...so everything is basically pretty normal for Kuroshitsuji 2, except those who are supposed to have died…aren't dead. Mwahahaha! Alois's family members are Hannah Anafeloz, Claude Faustus, and Luka Macken. xP **

It was a completely normal day. That is until a certain blue eyed boy waltzed into the bedroom of a certain young earl. The blue eyed boy reached out, grabbed the covers, and slowly slid himself into the warm bed.

The young earl shifted, mumbling in his sleep. With surprising speed, he quickly reached under his pillow, and pulled out a gun. The young earl's eyes were bleary with sleep, but his aim at the blue eyed boy's head was steady. The young earl's eyes suddenly snapped open.

"A-Alois? What on earth are you doing here? You're supposed to be dead!" Ciel Phantomhive, the young earl, was shocked. Well, not as shocked as he could have been, having been subjected to ghosts, demons, shinigami, and fallen angels from such a young age.

Alois Trancy, the blue eyed boy, smiled an amused smile. "I'm aware of that, you idiot." With an abrupt change of emotion, his eyes narrowed, his mouth turned downward in a menacing frown. "I have come back from the dead to challenge you to a contest. "

"Yes, yes, get on with it."

Still narrating in his 'narrator voice' Alois continued. "The contest is to see who can wear their booty shorts better."

Ciel, looking thoroughly disturbed, still decided to accept. What kind of an earl would he be, if he couldn't win a contest as trivial as this?

With a bright smile, Alois jumped up from the bed and threw the curtains open. "Ole!" He shouted, his hands poised above his head as he twirled around Ciel's bedroom.

Looking over his shoulder, Alois called out to Ciel: "Oh by the way, I've taken the liberty of inviting my family over to view the competition as well! I will be expecting you sometime in the afternoon. Ta ta!" With a 'friendly' wave, Alois left the room as quickly as he had entered it.

Ciel, as you can probably imagine, was one pissed off earl. _Who does he think he is, ordering me around like that, staying in my mansion, daring to challenge me? Ha! There is no way he could possibly beat me! _

And with the happy thought of Alois begging on his knees for mercy, Ciel waited for Sebastian.

* * *

><p>Blue eyes glowered at blue eyes.<p>

Ciel and Alois were locked in a silent stare-down, until Alois finally decided to break the silence. "Looks like I win, Phantomhive."

"What do you mean, 'you win?'" Ciel shouted. From the looks of the contest so far, Alois really was winning. Alois's shorts were so short, it could have almost made Lau blush. Ciel had refused to give up on his dignity just yet, and was dressed in his usual pair of shorts that ended just above the knee.

"That sentence wasn't exactly hard to figure out." Alois gripped Ciel's shoulders, pulling him around so that Ciel could face Alois properly. "Give me some competition! What are you, a nun?"

Ciel did not appreciate that comment. He would have thought it fairly obvious that he was indeed _not_ a nun. You know, with the whole 'selling his soul to a demon' thing, it's not like there were many monasteries that would accept him, even if he wanted them to. "Fine then. Tomorrow, same time, same place. I'll be expecting you." Feeling more in control of the situation, Ciel confidently strode out of the room.

The next few days were very peculiar. Ciel and Alois would meet every afternoon, declare no winner, and then repeat the same pattern, except with even tinier shorts. Sebastian was getting absolutely fed up.

One afternoon, he decided to make a quick stop in the room where Alois and Ciel held their little competitions. Sebastian wished he hadn't. He was fine with Alois wearing booty shorts, what others did was their own business, but he was very disappointed to find Ciel mimicking Alois's fashion 'sense,' for lack of a better word.

Ciel and Alois turned, having just noticed Sebastian was in the room. Ciel blushed. Sebastian was getting that possessive gleam in his eye again. Sebastian quickly excused himself (he was probably off to go destroy another forest) but Ciel could still hear him mutter something before leaving the room for good. "Such scandalous clothes…you might as well start playing strip poker. Not much of a difference."

Being a supposedly dead, ghost person, Alois heard Sebastian's muttered words as well. He paced up and down, stroking his chin in thought. "You know, that's not a half bad idea."

Ciel blushed even harder. As mature as Ciel was, he still was often childishly innocent about certain things. "N-no way in hell is that going to happen…" he spluttered.

* * *

><p>~2 Hours Later~<p>

* * *

><p>Ciel walked into his room, a triumphant smile on his face and a victorious bounce to his step. Throwing on his night shirt, he crawled into bed. He sat up, his arms wrapped around his knees.<p>

"So, how was it?" Sebastian was by Ciel's bedside, the bright flames from the candle he was holding illuminating his face.

"It was…actually kind of fun."

* * *

><p>~And the Winner Is…~<p>

* * *

><p>"Ciel Phantomhive!"<p>

Ciel grinned. He was a pair of shoes and an eye patch short of his usual self, but winning made up for any previous discomforts.

"No!" Alois howled. He hadn't fared as well as Ciel had. All that was left on his body was his bright purple coat, which he wasn't even using to cover himself up with, as any sane person would be doing. He ran off to his family.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, you'll do better next time…" Hannah Anafeloz, Alois's mother, had pulled Alois into a hug, and was now stroking the boy's hair, hushing his furious screams and trying to get him to calm down.

Luka Macken, Alois's little brother, tugged at the sleeve of Alois's coat. "Don't cry, big brother…" Luka was on the verge of tears himself.

"I am _not_ crying!" Alois yelled, shooting a frightening glare at Ciel. "You can just suck it, Ciel!" Alois tore himself from his mother and brother's embrace, and loped over to Claude Faustus, his father. "Kill him." Alois had calmed down considerably, and was now directing his glare towards his father. Claude, ignoring Alois, just threw his clothes back at him. Alois quickly shrugged them on, and then looked up at his father, waiting impatiently for him to do the deed. Claude just shrugged, like this was an everyday occurrence. He grabbed Alois painfully by the arm, and dragged him towards the exit.

"You need to work on your attitude, young man." Claude was oblivious to Alois's loud threats, and just continued dragging him along. Alois was kicking and screaming, digging his heels into the carpet. Luka zoomed out with them. (Literally 'zoomed out' his arms were sticking out horizontally, and he was happily making 'vroom' sounds as he raced around, imitating an airplane) Hannah followed close behind, averting her gaze to the ground.

"This isn't the last you've seen of me, Phantomhive!" One last shriek of rage from Alois, and then he and his family members were gone.

Ciel slowly exhaled the breath he had been unknowingly holding in. He was relieved. Very relieved.

* * *

><p>~In The Present~<p>

* * *

><p>"I see." Sebastian spoke after hearing Ciel's recount of the past few days' events.<p>

Noticing the barely restrained hint of anger and disappointment in Sebastian's tone of voice, Ciel looked up, and smiled. "Don't worry, I won't do it again. I haven't been acting very proper lately, but I couldn't just let someone challenge me like that. I had to stand up and fight."

"Very good, sir." Sebastian blew out the candle, shrouding the room in darkness.

"…Sebastian. Stay with me, until I fall asleep?" Ciel mumbled, already sounding drowsy.

With a much lighter tone of voice, Sebastian smiled. "Yes, my lord."

**A/N Please review. :) **


	5. His Butler, Quirky

**Characters: Alois, Sebastian, Ciel. **

**Genre: Humor, crack, oddness all around. XD **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

The door bursts open.

"Boom baby, I am _back!_"

"You…kicked my door open." Ciel says with a hint of disbelief.

"Damn right I did." Alois huffs and leans against the wall, a taunting smirk on his lips.

"Well, what is it? I don't have time for more games with the dead." Ciel shuffles through his papers, disinterest clearly written on his face. From the 'I want to stab you in the eye' look coming from Alois, Ciel could tell that Alois did not like being called 'dead.'

Alois, who's a year older and a head taller than Ciel, grabbed the startled earl by the hand, making him drop all of his paperwork, and then dragged him out the door of his office. The two boys bumped into Sebastian, who was looking rather startled standing next to his little cart of food. Ciel forced Alois to let go of him, and then turned to bestow upon him one of his famous bitch slaps.

Alois gingerly placed the tips of his fingers against his cheek, rubbing at the red imprint that was now there. "You…slapped me." This time, Alois was the one with the hint of disbelief in his voice. This was the most upset Alois had ever seen Ciel.

"Sebastian, hold my shorts, we're taking this outside." Ciel ripped off his shorts in a superman show of strength, and then threw them over his shoulder. Sebastian dived to the ground, managing to catch the shorts before they had fallen to the floor. Ciel stalked outside, a stuttering Alois trailing after him.

The house shook with the sounds of pain and agony.

Ciel entered the house. Without Alois.

"Sebastian, my shorts!" Ciel clapped his hands, ordering Sebastian, who was by his side in an instant. Sebastian handed back Ciel's shorts reluctantly.

"Sebastian, why is there cat fur on my shorts?" Ciel held the pair of shorts between his thumb and pointer finger, holding it far away from his face in disgust. Ciel gave Sebastian a stern look. "Tell the truth, Sebastian"

Sebastian sighed. "Wool makes a great kitty nest…"

Ciel rubbed his eyes, which were steadily growing red and puffy. "Good God, what's wrong with you?"

**A/N Yay for OOC crack! The thought of Sebastian using Ciel's shorts to make a kitty nest is very…disturbing. Well, I hope you liked it! Reviewers get a kitty nest! xD **


	6. His Butler, Humiliated

**A/N Requested by Tree. I'm sorry it isn't letting you login. I love getting reviews from you. And yes, for the sake of satire I will accept your marriage proposal. xD **

**Characters: Ciel, Sebastian, Grell. **

**Genre: Humor, romance. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

Ciel was bored. Very bored. He was lying on the floor in his boring office, being bored, and thinking about boring things. Oh so very _bored._ "Ugh, I'm so bored…" He sighed. Even his sigh was boring. He was startled out of his daze when a knock sounded against the door. The door swung open, and in came Sebastian, Ciel's loyal butler.

"Young master, I brought you your-"Sebastian was startled. He had almost tripped over Ciel, who was lying on the floor, twitching and mumbling incoherent jargon. Sebastian immediately picked up Ciel, placed him back in his chair, and then began to dust off his clothes. "Why young master, whatever is the matter with you?" Sebastian asked.

Ciel sighed again. "It's been weeks and still no sign or word from Alois or the Queen. Without them my life is dull, and thus I am incredibly bored." Leaning forward with the hint of a smirk, Ciel said, "But now that you're here…I think I have found a way to fix my problem."

Sebastian straightened up. "I think I know of a solution to your problem as well." Sebastian came closer to Ciel, his face only inches away.

"Um…what on earth are you doing?" Ciel pushed Sebastian away. "Don't be such a twit. I wanted you to do something else."

"Something else, my young lord?" Sebastian gave Ciel a sly grin.

"Yes. I want you to go to Claude Faustus and ask him to marry you."

* * *

><p>"S-sebastian? Sebastian, snap out of it this instance." Cold water splashed over Sebastian, who woke up with a jerk. Looking around the room, he quickly got up, straightening his now wrinkled and wet clothes.<p>

"Good heavens, what an awful dream." Sebastian smiled. Looking down at Ciel, he continued, "I dreamt that you had asked me to go to that nasty spider Claude Faustus, and give him a marriage proposal." Sebastian gave a small chuckle. "But of course you would never do that." He stopped cold when he saw his master's unsmiling face. "Y-you can't be serious!"

"Dead serious." Ciel stated, without a hint of remorse. "I want you to…entertain me. " Ciel said, with just a tiny hint of seduction in his voice. Either that or Sebastian's imagination was starting to really get out of control.

"Yes, my lord." There was nothing Sebastian could do. He could not go against orders. Ciel gave the remaining instructions to Sebastian, who simply nodded, and then left.

* * *

><p>"You wanted to see me?"<p>

The room was dark. The two men in the room even darker. They both faced each other, mutually not wanting to be there.

"Yes, er…I have a _proposal _to make." Sebastian wasn't exactly nervous, but he knew that his next words would haunt him for years to come. All demons from around the world would make fun of him; he would never be taken seriously again!

"Proceed." Claude Faustus, or, that nasty spider, as Sebastian likes to call him, narrowed his eyes in suspicion, and adjusted his glasses haughtily.

"Claude…will you marry me?"

Awkward moment of silence.

"I…I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK!" Claude threw his glasses to the ground, tap-danced across the table, and landed with a _thud _onto Sebastian's lap. "Oh Bassie! Dear sweet Bassie~" Claude threw his arms around Sebastian's neck, stroking his hair and giving a very uncharacteristic _grin._ Out of the corner of his eye, Sebastian noticed the smile. To a human it would have looked normal, but with his enhanced abilities Sebastian could see, instead of normal teeth, razor sharp fangs. He grabbed Claude by the hair and tugged. Claude's face came off. In its stead, was long, red hair, and the renowned Shinigami eyes.

"Grell?" Sebastian's look of disgust grew. He hated Claude Faustus with a passion, but Grell was much, much worse. His look of disgust was soon replaced with a beaming smile as he remembered what his master's orders were, if Claude were to accept his marriage proposal.

"Grell," Sebastian began again.

"Eh?" Grell didn't even seem to notice just how weird the whole situation was. Before he could do anything, Sebastian made his move. Sebastian kicked Grell in the groin, leapt out of his grasp, and then ran off.

"Oof!" Unfortunately Grell hadn't gotten a sex change yet, so the kick had hurt. A lot. He curled up into a ball on the ground, writhing in agony.

"I am sorry, young master, but the whereabouts of Claude Faustus are unknown." Sebastian bowed, putting on an air of deep sorrow and anguish over not being able to completely fulfill his master's orders. In reality, he was doing cartwheels in his head. _Beating up Grell never gets old…_

"I see." Ciel looked down at his cup of tea. "No matter, I still enjoyed it. Now, back to business." Picking up a letter from the Queen, Ciel handed it to Sebastian to read for himself.

Sebastian skimmed the letter's contents in 3 seconds flat. It looked like business for the Phantomhive's was starting to pick up again, which meant, no more bored Ciel, and no more being asked to perform ridiculous stunts for his master.

_Finally, my lord. _

**A/N I know I didn't really fill out the request to the letter (aka Claude actually being Grell in disguise), but I still hope everyone enjoyed it. Reviewers get a marriage proposal from Sebastian! ;) **


	7. His Butler, Grumpy

**Characters: Sebastian, Ciel. **

**Genre: Humor. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

"Ugh."

13 year old Ciel Phantomhive could not go to sleep. No matter how much he tried. It was all because of one thing. The parfait. His night had gone along as usual, but in the middle of the night he had awoken with an intense craving for parfaits.

_Well, _He thought, _there's only one thing to do about this. _

"Sebastian!" Ciel cried out, piercing the silent mansion. He waited 5 seconds. Nothing. So, he tried again. "Sebast-"

"What is it, master?" A grumpy looking Sebastian appeared in the doorway, cutting off Ciel. Ciel took in Sebastian's bed head, rumpled clothes, and annoyed demeanor. Ciel ignored all of these signs of discomfort, of course.

"Sebastian, I want-"

Again, Ciel was cut off. This time, by Sebastian shoving a cup of warm milk with honey into his face. "Why don't you drink this, you'll feel ever so much better." The same smile was there, but Ciel could sense the hidden command in Sebastian's tone of voice.

_I was thirsty anyway. _Ciel wrapped his hands around the warm mug, taking a large sip. He felt himself getting drowsy. He had tasted the distinct flavors of milk and honey, but there was something else hidden beneath it. _Sleep inducing tablets! Sebastian put…he…drugged me…_His eyes were growing heavy. "I order you to make me a…"

_Plop. _

Ciel was asleep, his hand tightly clutching the mug. Sebastian quickly took away the mug before the contents spilled, tucking in Ciel while doing so. Turning, he briskly walked back to his room. "Finally, some peace and quiet."

**A/N Really pointless one shot, but I had this idea and just had to write it! I can almost imagine Sebastian doing something like this to Ciel to avoid carrying out his orders…he doesn't want Ciel to eat nothing but sweets after all! Reviewers get milk with honey…without the sleeping pills, of course. ;) (P.S. Don't worry Tree, I haven't forgotten about you! I will probably get around to writing that request soon!) **


	8. His Butler, Revealing Secrets

**A/N Requested by Tree…**

**Characters: Sebastian, Ciel, Queen Victoria, Lizzie, Claude, Alois. **

**Genre: Humor, crack. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

"Remind me _why_ we're here again." Ciel paused before the door, turning to his butler.

"The Queen needs your help, my lord." Sebastian flashed his falsely charming smile before stepping up to the door and opening it for his master. Ciel sighed, and walked through the door, his step not faltering even once when all the eyes in the room turned to stare at him.

"Your highness." Ciel removed his top hat, bowing to the ground before standing again, the hat held to his chest in a show of respect for his queen. The Queen nodded, and motioned to the circle of six chairs in the middle of the room. Two of the chairs were already being taken up by a boy with blonde hair, and a butler with glasses. Alois Trancy and Claude Faustus. Ciel sauntered over to the chair opposite Alois, and took a seat. Sebastian stood behind Ciel's chair, his head bowed slightly.

"Your butler may sit as well." The Queen lazily declared, looking at the door and then the clock.

"I am honored by your kindness. Sebastian, sit." Ciel commanded Sebastian, much like the dog he was named for. Sebastian bowed to the Queen and Ciel, taking a seat directly opposite Claude. If he was surprised by the Queen's odd but nice gesture to such a lowly servant, he didn't show it. A few minutes passed in silence, with the Queen looking back and forth between the door, the two empty chairs left, and the clock. The door suddenly banged open, and a squealing girl all dressed in pink tumbled through the doorway.

"Y-your highness! I am so, so sorry for being late! It will never happen again!" The rather tall girl in pink bowed all the way down to the ground, her blonde curls bouncing over her head as she cried out numerous apologies.

"It's alright, my dear child. Have a seat." The Queen walked toward the last two empty chairs, sitting down in one and pushing the girl in pink into the other. The girl in pink spun her head around the room, smiling at the room's occupants. She did a double take when her eyes landed upon Ciel.

"CIELLLL!"

"E-Elizabeth?" Ciel had seen Elizabeth enter the room, but no matter how many times he saw her or heard her high pitched squeals, he could never quite get used to them.

"Hush, child." The Queen pushed Elizabeth back down into her chair before she could perform the Victorian style version of the 'glomp'. "Alrighty!" The Queen looked at each and every one of her guests, daring them to interrupt her before speaking. "The reason you are here today, is because I need your help setting up shop, so to speak."

"May I ask what sort of 'shop' we are helping you set up, majesty?" Ciel inquired, keeping his tone polite.

"I'm getting to that!" The Queen waved impatiently, abruptly shutting up Ciel, who looked rather indignant at having been so polite for naught. "I am setting up a rehabilitation center called Sunnyside Rehab! You five are to help me learn how to run it properly. Is that understood?"

"Er…" Claude began, awkwardly adjusting his glasses under the Queen's penetrating glare.

"You may speak." The Queen sat back in her chair, fanning herself with one hand.

"This…Sunnyside Rehab sounds most intriguing, but I must question your choice of helpers. We don't have much experience with…things like this, and-"

"Oh nonsense! You all have issues, don't say anything otherwise! All you five must do is tell me your issues, and then I will see how good I am at solving them. Hopefully Sunnyside Rehab will be a success, and then we will open for business."

"Right…" Claude said, ignoring the cold as ice glare the Queen was directing towards him.

"Okay!" The Queen clapped her hands. "Sebastian, why don't you start? What sort of issues do you have?"

Sebastian shook his head, a tight smile on his lips and an amused glint in his eye. "I don't mean to be rude your highness, but I am one hell of a butler. I don't have any issues; it is not fitting for a servant of the Phantomhive's."

Ciel snorted. "_You_? Not have any issues? Don't make me laugh. Don't think I can't see you from my window late at night petting _strays_."

Sebastian looked back at his master, his smile turning into a frown, his frown turning into an annoyed glare, and his annoyed glare, turning into cold anger. All that taking place within five seconds. The oh-so-charming smile quickly returned, so swiftly that Ciel could barely even take note of his butler's frustration. "Well, _young_ _master_, you're not exactly perfect yourself." Sebastian kept his tone light. "We can't completely overlook your obsession with sweets, now can we?" He laughed. "And you watch me late at night? What on earth…" Sebastian murmured, mostly to himself.

Claude sighed. "Well, while we're on the subject of betraying our masters and revealing their secrets," Claude shot Sebastian a particularly haughty glance, "I might as well spill Alois Trancy's. He likes to poke things with sticks. Rather childish, I know." Upon inspection of Alois, this was found to be true. Alois, bored with all this talk, was sitting in the corner, poking the wall with a stick.

"Poke, poke, poke." Alois stared at the wall, fascinated with its…wallishness? He had apparently heard Claude, however, and quickly stood up, running to Claude and tackling him. "Eat shit, Claude! I do _not_ poke things with sticks! Besides, what about you? You're always tap dancing in your sleep! I haven't gotten a decent night's rest in over two weeks!"

"Do not mock the ancient dances, you fool." Claude mumbled, indigent at his young master's lack of respect for his tap dancing skills.

"Ugh, I was right; you all really _are_ messed up." The Queen turned to Elizabeth, motioning for her to speak.

"I-I…I'M OBSESSED WITH CUTE THINGS! KAWAII, KAWAII, DESU DESU!" Elizabeth screeched, rainbows, unicorns, and sparkles tumbling from her mouth. The Queen, needless to say, was completely unimpressed with her most loyal subjects thus far. She sighed.

"Looks like I have my work cut out for me." A mad Grell-like grin stretched across her face. "It's time to begin." And with that, each person was banished to their own separate room.

* * *

><p>Room 1. Occupant: Sebastian Michaelis.<p>

The Queen shoved the horrified butler into the room, tied him to the chair, and then proceeded to gag him. All over the walls were pictures of cats. Chartreux cats, Burmilla cats, Persian cats…Sebastian was about to rip the ropes off, but one look from the Queen quickly calmed him.

"You are not to leave this room for the day. Do not get out of that chair, do not untie yourself. You are not allowed to obsess over cats for this _entire_ day. I will be watching. Good bye…have fun." And with that, the Queen skipped out of the room, laughing gleefully at the sight of the still as stone butler.

_Many apologies, my dearest feline friends._

* * *

><p>Room 2. Occupant: Ciel Phantomhive.<p>

Ciel allowed himself to be escorted into the room. He was also seated on a chair in the middle of the room, a table in front of him. The Queen placed a tray of sweets in front of the boy. Gâteau au Chocolat, Eton Mess, Foret Noire, Putts D'Amour…she set dainty silver utensils on the napkin next to the dishes, smiling a smile almost as sickeningly sweet as the dessert she was carrying. "You are not allowed out of this chair for the day. If you try to even touch so much as a crumb of the food in front of you…well, let's just say the Queen's guard dog will be disciplined. _Harshly_." With a wink, the Queen frisked out, skipping on to the next room.

* * *

><p>Room 3. Occupant: Claude Faustus.<p>

Claude was pushed into the large chamber. He strode up to the wall, stiffly leaning against it. In the middle of the room was a grand record player. The Queen started up the music, a lively symphony blaring out of the player. The music was increased tenfold by the room's vastness, each and every note bouncing and echoing off of the airy walls. "No dancing, no matter what. Is that understood?" Claude nodded, adjusting his glasses with a peeved air. The Queen danced out of the room, humming a tune as she danced along.

* * *

><p>Room 4. Occupant: Alois Trancy.<p>

"Ooh, shiny!" Alois ran into the room, clapping and jumping around at the sight of all the trinkets. He was about to reach out to poke at one of the pretty gems, but the Queen slapped his hand away before he could get his hands on anything. She handed his wounded hand a stick.

"You are not to poke anything in this room with a stick, alright?"

"Aww." Alois sat down in the middle of the room, crossing his arms and pouting. The Queen gave one of the objects a teasing _poke_ with her walking stick before slamming the door shut.

* * *

><p>Room 5. Occupant: Elizabeth Midford.<p>

"OMIGOSH IT'S SOOO CUTEEEE~" Elizabeth squeed upon entering the room. The room was covered from top to bottom with things that were unmistakably _adorable_. Pink sparkles and rainbows my friend, pink sparkles and rainbows. The Queen smiled before pushing Elizabeth into a chair and gagging her.

"No more obsessing over cute things for the day my dear child." The Queen clapped once, and instantly the room was bathed in darkness. She clapped again, and the lights blinked back on. But instead of the pretty ribbons and dainty, sugary bows, the walls were covered with dark, bloody decorations.

"EEP!" Elizabeth screamed. Or at least she tried to; it's rather hard to scream when you have something shoved in your mouth. The Queen cackled, leaving Elizabeth alone in the scary room.

"Bye byeee~" The Queen sang. She walked back to her room, pulling out a newspaper. "And now, to wait."

* * *

><p>The very next day, the Queen hopped out of bed and ran to go check on her five loyal subjects.<p>

They were all dead.

Sunnyside Rehab was _not _a success.

**A/N Okay, so that didn't resemble Tree's request at all, but it was funny right? –is shot- I got kind of lazy at the end and didn't really know how to wrap it up, so I just killed them all. Yay? That was probably the crackiest thing I have ever written in my life. I don't even know…-shakes head- Well, please leave a review. Reviewers get a free tour of Sunnyside Rehab before it closes down! :D **


	9. His Butler, A Cat Obsessed Moron

**Characters: Sebastian, Ciel. **

**Genre: Crack flavored humor, slight drama at the end with perhaps a touch of seriousness and foreshadowing. Maybe even some SebaCiel lovin'. ;D **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

"Something really needs to be done about the growing population." Sebastian noted, mostly to himself, when the wheels of the open carriage he was driving narrowly missed a bundle of skin and bones that could hardly be considered a dog.

"Woof." Ciel gave out a puppyish sound, so soft that Sebastian could barely hear it. It was so _adorable _that if Ciel were somehow part dog, Sebastian still wouldn't have been able to find it in his heart to hate him. _Cats are still the dominant breed though, obviously. Now if only bocchan could understand…_

"Don't you think _meow _is a much cuter catchphrase, young master?" Sebastian turned around and pouted.

"No, no I do not. Woof." Ciel somehow managed to keep a straight face.

Sebastian's eye twitched. "Hmph. Meow."

"Woof."

"Meow."

"Woof!"

"Meow!"

"WOOF DAMNIT!"

Ciel's loud tone of voice startled Sebastian, who swerved the carriage around a man with a cart of cabbages. The cart turned over and all of the delectable cabbages rolled out onto the streets. "My cabbages!" The old man yelled, shaking his fist at the retreating backs of Sebastian and Ciel. The ride back home was an awkward, silence filled one. Sebastian opened the door for Ciel, making sure he was seated comfortably with a cup of tea before excusing himself to the kitchen.

_Young master is so stubborn. It looks like we both bear many similarities to our preferred animal of choice. Cats and dogs, butler and master, both will forever be fighting for dominance. But we both know who will come out on top in the end. _With a grin, Sebastian rolled out the tray of food, 'accidently' leaving the small platter of dessert behind.

**A/N Did anyone else get my Avatar: The Last Airbender reference? Yes? No? xD Poor little cabbage merchant…anyway, I don't really know myself what this 'chapter' was. It was like, part crack, part references, and part not-so-much crack? O_o –shakes head- Well, please review. All reviewers get…to steal Ciel or Sebby's catchphrase! :D **


	10. His Butler, Making Simple Mistakes

**A/N Requested by Conspicuous Darkness. :D**

**Genre: Humor**

**Characters: Sebastian, Ciel**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji.**

"Here you are, young master, your tea. Today we have your favorite tea, Earl Gray." I poured the tea into the fine china tea set, setting it down without any bothersome _clinks _whatsoever, and then stood back, waiting for my master's next orders. Instead of the sound of a rather grumpy order, all I heard was the splutter of an upset earl and the spraying of tea everywhere. I looked down, dismayed at the huge tea stain all over my newly mended coat. "My lord? Whatever is the matter?" I looked down on Ciel curiously. _What did I do this time? _

"Sebastian…" My lord started in a dangerously calm, low tone of voice. "This _'tea…' _is not sweet enough." He pushed the tea cup away from himself and towards me, and I picked it up, bringing it towards my face and giving it a delicate sniff. My lord was right; the aroma of the tea _was _a bit off. I looked towards him for his nod of permission, and when he nodded, I lifted the cup to my lips.

I don't have human taste buds, but I could tell that the tea was definitely not as sweet as it should be. _Someone must have replaced the sugar with salt…I was particularly busy this afternoon, and had requested for Mey-Rin to make the tea for me…with her eyesight, she must have gotten it all mixed up, and in my rush I forgot to check. _Sebastian sighed. "I apologize, young master, I will bring in some more tea for you right away." I bowed, about to excuse myself from the room when I was interrupted by a well thrown dart to the head. "My lord?" I looked back, facing a smirking Ciel.

"Oh no, this calls for a punishment. Sebastian, I order you, _entertain _me."

_Oh no, not again…_I groaned. "Yes, my lord."

* * *

><p>"Haha! Sebastian, do that again!" Ciel laughed, pointing at me as I climbed back up the balcony and prepared to throw myself off it again.<p>

"Young master, I fail to find making me cross-dress and fall off a building _funny_." I leapt off the building again, making sure my skirts were pulled completely down as I braced myself for landing.

"Are you kidding? It's hysterical!" Ciel giggled.

_Lesson of the day: Never give Ciel the wrong tea. _

**A/N It's been a long while since I've updated; sorry! I know this wasn't really funny, but I tried my best. It just takes a little while to get used to writing again. Hopefully the next chapter will be better. Reviewers get pictures of Sebastian cross-dressing. XD **


	11. His Butler, Disappointing

**Genre: Humor, drama (?)**

**Characters: Ciel. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji.**

My butler is an able man, of that I know for sure, but…I mean…honestly? While there is indeed a dark, mysterious, and most frightening aura wrapped around him, I find one particular feature of his…lacking. While I may not want Sebastian to go around scaring every person that looks upon him, I still need him to be able to appear threatening when the situation calls for it.

His glowing eyes chill you to the bone, his strong yet sophisticated stance tells you of his power, and the unearthly mark on his hands calls out to you and highlights the horrifying chill that surrounds this hellish fiend.

There is nothing wrong with the polite yet oh-so-mocking smirk of his, but if you look underneath all that, what would you expect to find? A huge pair of razor sharp fangs, or perhaps even a gaping black hole instead of teeth, that can suck up your soul? No, no, no. Much to my utter disappointment, I was met with two, incredibly tiny little 'fangs,' for lack of a better word to describe this travesty. It pains me to admit that I found them rather adorable, but this wasn't some cheap Halloween costume! When you're in a life or death situation, even the smallest detail out of place could result in a most gory demise.

I suppose I shall simply have to tell Sebastian to get his teeth fixed, if that's even possible. And he had worked so hard on customizing his physique too…

**A/N Please review! :) **


	12. His Butler, On A Mission

**A/N Requested by Conspicuous Darkness. ^^ **

**Characters: Sebastian, Ciel, Nina, Elizabeth. **

**Genre: Humor, romance. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji.**

* * *

><p>"But young master, your outward appearance will be especially important for this mission." Sebastian sighed with exasperation.<p>

"You don't think I know that?" Ciel huffed, more irritated than usual from the embarrassment and extreme discomfort of parading around his room as a girl.

"Of course I know you know that, milord, I just feel the need to remind you how the last time you had to dress as a girl for a mission, you were still fairly recognizable to anyone familiar with you. You'll have to disguise yourself much better this time. After all, you _did _say 'by any means necessary.'" Sebastian teased.

"Why can't I just throw on _this_ dress and get this mission over with?" Ciel demanded, gesturing to the pink dress he had worn last time.

"Because any person with half a brain could easily recognize you. There's so much more to the art of hiding one's true self than simply _throwing _on a costume!" Sebastian proclaimed passionately. "If you're going to pretend to be a woman, then you must _become _a woman if you're going to get the job done right."

Ciel facepalmed, feeling a headache form from all of the idiots surrounding him. "I don't want to know. Fine then, I'll take your advice, but it better work."

Sebastian grinned creepily. "Good. Let us begin."

* * *

><p>"I don't see how spying on Elizabeth and Nina will help with anything." Ciel whispered, looking up at Sebastian from where his head was poking out from behind the corner of the alleyway.<p>

"To learn more about the fairer sex, you must see how they interact with one another." He replied.

"Oh." Ciel turned his attentions back to his fiancé and her flamboyant tailor, watching them chatter together animatedly before bidding each other adieu with a parting kiss.

"Now that you have gotten a better grasp of the female class, we shall take care of your outward appearance before practicing…other things." Sebastian said, emerging from the shadows with his master after making certain that Lizzie and Nina were really gone.

* * *

><p>Ciel stared blankly at the high-heels. "What exactly do you intend for me to do with these?" He finally inquired.<p>

Sebastian sighed. "I intend for you to wear them, my lord." He replied, bending down to unlace Ciel's shoes before putting the high-heels on the young boy.

Ciel pushed himself up, taking one shaky step before falling into the arms of his butler with an unsophisticated _oof _sound.

"Baby steps, my lord, baby steps." Sebastian chided gently, chuckling slightly at his master's distress.

"I didn't have to wear heels last time." Ciel muttered, wanting desperately to slap the condescending smirk off of his butler's face, but wanting to not fall and bruise even more desperately. He clutched at Sebastian's sleeve, putting one wobbly foot in front of the other. After a little bit, he managed to let go of Sebastian, his steps becoming more confidant as he made his way over to the mirror. He clenched his fists at the horrifying sight before him. He was clad in a long, purple, frilly dress with silver accents, silver high-heels, and a huge, extravagant hat following the silver/purple color scheme. The wig and shimmery make-up did well to mask his boyish looks, so well in fact, that he had to clutch at his corset encased chest to make sure that this was all not just some horrid nightmare.

* * *

><p>"Alright, you're doing splendid so far, young master. Now we must practice what we saw with Lizzie and Nina earlier before we can begin our mission." Sebastian smiled encouragingly at Ciel.<p>

Ciel shuddered, not looking forward at all to what he was about to have to do. "Hello, Nina! Oh, I absolutely adore that hat of yours!" Ciel mimicked Lizzie's excited squeals. His acting skills were very wooden and stiff, but passable. He braced himself one last time before leaning up towards Sebastian face. "Mwah." He muttered, brushing his lips lightly against Sebastian's cheek. He scooted away from his butler as quickly as possible after that, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

Sebastian nodded with satisfaction, his expression not having changed from the kiss or Ciel's discomfort. "That's good enough, I suppose."

Ciel nodded faintly, looking down and blushing somewhat. "Good. Now let's get this mission over with."

* * *

><p><strong>AN Gahh, I'm so sorry for taking so long to update and fill this request! I hope the quality of this chapter makes up a bit for it though, as I'm rather pleased with how this turned out. I'm sorry it's not longer, but I tried to make this as awesome as I could for you guys! ^^ I'm sorry if you don't like slight SebaCiel fluff, but it's really mild, it's almost nonexistent. XD**


	13. His Butler, Contemplating

**A/N Thanks for all of the reviews! :D **

**Characters: Sebastian, Ciel **

**Genre: Angst, tragedy? I think. xD **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

**Other: Sebastian's POV.**

* * *

><p><em>Our relationship is full of lies.<em>

Sebastian grinned at himself in the mirror. The grin soon turned into a frown as he realized that his 'smile' was the opposite of what he wanted it to be. He tried again, this time softening the devilish glare in his eyes and hiding the condescending smirk beneath a much gentler visage. "There, much better." He spoke out loud to himself, toying with the long bangs framing his face. The handsome butler carried on with his day, his thoughts his only companion.

_Everything about us is just so…amusing. _

Today, Sebastian's thoughts were on his relationship with his young master.

_He tells me never to lie to him, and yet does he not realize how much our relationship is dependent about those very same lies that he so despises? He plays the part of a depressed child perfectly, the way he always insists that he has lost the ability to cry, smile, laugh, feel joy, feel pain, feel __**human. **__I know him better than that. I can see the hurt on his face whenever the thought of losing his fiancé torments him at night, I can see the faint smile threatening to show itself every time he's mastered a new song on the violin. He tries to hide it from me underneath a mask of cold indifference, but we both know that he's just a scared little boy on the inside. _

Sebastian examined his gloves, releasing an audible sigh when his keen eyes noticed the speck of dirt staining the pristine white surface. He took out a handkerchief from his coat pocket to wipe the spot clean.

_As for myself, well, I'm just a lie too. A perfect, beautiful lie. I show disdain over the state of the house, yet I really don't care, I look down on those with immoral habits, yet it actually doesn't affect me in any way, I pretend to show affection for my young master when I honestly __**don't give a damn. **_

"Sebastian."

Sebastian was jerked out of his musing by the very person he had just been thinking of.

"Yes, my lord?" Sebastian politely responded.

"Were these sweets imported from India? I've never seen them before." Ciel was at his desk, looking rather bored as he scrutinized the mysterious goodies.

"Indeed, young master. Prince Soma and Agni had recommended them. The very best of the best."

"Mhm." Ciel nodded his head, not entirely paying attention to his butler anymore as he stared hungrily at the sweets.

Sebastian walked over to the window, tying back the heavy curtains and looking out the window. He glanced back at Ciel, an unreadable expression on his face as he watched his young master devour the exotic treats.

_Then again…Even if this is all just a façade, I hope it never ends. At least, not quite yet. _

Sebastian smiled effortlessly, leaving the room to go finish his other duties about the house.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Please review! :)**


	14. His Butler, A Day In The Life

**A/N Request from Psychotic and Snow. ^^ **

**Characters: Claude**

**Genre: Humor**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

**Other: Sorry that it's very short and probably not what you were expecting, but I still hope you enjoy it!^^**

* * *

><p>My time here working for Master Trancy may be rather short, but that does not make it any less difficult. I have to shop for gaudy accessories, put up with temper tantrums…but that's just a day in the life of the world's sexiest demon butler.<p>

You were thinking of Sebastian just then, weren't you?

Oh well.

I was too.

* * *

><p><strong>AN XD Please review! I'm sick right now, and I have no idea if this made any sense. :)**


	15. His Butler, Embarrassing Ringtone

**Characters: Sebastian, Ciel **

**Genre: Humor. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

**Other: This takes place in the future, when Ciel's a demon and stuff. Ooh ayy ooh~ XD**

* * *

><p><em>Nyannyanyannyannyannyan~….<em>

"What is that blasted noise?" Ciel looked up from his newspaper with his usual irritated expression, his eyes and ears working to locate the area from whence the sound was coming from.

"It's nothing at all, my lord." Sebastian shifted his body away from Ciel, waiting for his master to go back to reading the paper. Much to Sebastian's relief, Ciel did just that. Sebastian discreetly reached into his jacket and brought out the phone, trying to muffle the sound as much as possible.

"Aha!" Ciel cried, causing Sebastian to drop his phone in surprise, making the tinny music pouring from the miniscule speakers extremely audible. _Nyannyannyannyannyan~…_

"Really, Sebastian?" Ciel snickered. "Nyan cat is your ringtone?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN Someone's probably already done something exactly like this, but oh well. Please review! :)**


	16. His Butler, Number 1 Visitor

**Characters: Sebastian, Ciel**

**Genre: Humor **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji or icanhascheezburger . com. **

**Other: Set in modern times.**

* * *

><p>It was just another boring day for Ciel Phantomhive. At least until he found out something which made him have to rub his eyes and scoot closer up to the screen to make sure he was reading this correctly. "Sebastian…Why does it say that you're the number one daily visitor to icanhascheezburger . com?" Ciel stared at the screen, scrolling through the thousands of memes and other things his butler had submitted to this site.<p>

Sebastian poked his head through the door. "Why young master, what kind of butler would I be if I couldn't take care of you _and _visit icanhascheezburger . com daily?" Sebastian turned to go, but paused. "And besides…what are you doing on that site anyway?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN Stupid idea I got from tumblr, but whatevs~ Please review! XD**


	17. His Butler, Santa Claude

**Characters: Claude, Ciel, Alois, Hannah, Sebastian, Thompson, Timber, Cantebury**

**Genre: Humor, crack**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji, the song Santa Clause is Coming to Town, or the Sound of Music. **

**Other: Parodyyyyy c:**

* * *

><p><em>You better watch out<em>

Ciel glanced suspiciously over his shoulder before continuing finishing his math homework.

_You better not laugh_

Alois giggled when he saw Hannah hunch over in pain but his laughter died down when he saw Claude's stony expression.

_You better not pout_

Ciel glared at the plate of vegetables before him. He pouted. "I don't want to eat these…" He muttered, pushing around the leafy greens with his fork.

_ I'm telling you why _

"Why? Why can't I go outside like this?" Alois whined, the mirror reflecting an outfit much too indecent for the Victorian era.

Claude sighed. "I'm telling you why, your highness."

_Santa Claude is coming to town_

Sebastian glared at the figure dressed in red outside the window. It was Christmas Eve and he didn't want his young master to wake up. "Go away, Claude." He said, drawing the curtains.

_He's tap-dancing around _

Claude tap-danced down the hallway, balancing a plate of scones and marmalade for Alois. "I brought you your breakfast." He tap-danced into Alois's bedroom, never stopping his dance as he spread the marmalade on the scones for his highness.

"That's enough, Claude." Alois groaned crankily, wrapping a pillow around his head to shut out the infernal _tap-taps. _

_And doing it twice_

Claude tap-danced around the dining room, adjusting a flower here, a tablecloth there.

"Once is enough, Claude!" Alois screeched.

_Gonna find out who's naughty and nice _

Sebastian heard a soft knocking on the door early Christmas morning. He quickly went to go answer it. "Yes?" He peered out, his eyes narrowing in frustration at the sight of a certain familiar demon butler dressed in a ridiculous Santa costume.

"I regret to inform you that your young master didn't make the nice list this year. He refused to be a good boy and didn't finish his supper much too often." Claude shook his head in mock sadness, the tiny pompom on the end of his cap jingling sorrowfully.

"He doesn't even believe in Santa! Good day." Sebastian slammed the door shut, a pile of snow falling on top of Claude as a result.

_Santa Claude is coming to town_

_ He sees you when you're sleeping_

Claude stared at the sleeping forms of Timber, Thompson, and Cantebury.

_He knows when you're awake _

Claude burst into Hannah's room. "Oh look, you're awake."

"Claude, I'm indecent!" Hannah shrieked, quickly trying to cover herself up as she had been in the midst of changing.

_He knows when you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake! _

Claude scrutinized the blood spot on the floor. His gaze wandered to his fair headed master, who was leaning against the wall, whistling innocently. "You gouged out Hannah's eye again, didn't you?"

"Nothing gets past you, Claude." Alois uttered sarcastically.

_ Oh! You better watch out!_

_ You better not laugh_

_ You better not pout _

_ I'm telling you why_

_ Santa Claude is coming to town_

_ Santa Claude is coming to town_

"W-what is it?" Ciel yawned, trying to shield his eyes from the bright candle that Sebastian was waving in his face.

"Santa Claude is coming to town; nowhere is safe. We must ride for the mountains as fast as we can." Sebastian whispered urgently, looking back and forth. Alois, Timber, Thompson, Cantebury, and Hannah appeared in the doorway, dressed as nuns.

"We're coming too." They chimed in.

And then they all walked up and over the mountain, The Sound of Music music playing from an unknown source.

And that is how they all bravely avoided the horrors of Santa Claude.

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><p><strong>The hills are alive, with the sound of music~ This was so cracktastic, I don't even know. It's not even anywhere near Christmas. xD Please<strong>

**review! **


	18. His Butler, Tea Party

**A/N Request from Psychotic and Snow. ^^**

**Characters: Ciel, Sebastian **

**Genre: Crack **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji**

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><p>"Now Ms. Betsy, let's not get <em>too <em>carried away. We all know stripes don't suit you." Ciel chided the small kitty lying down on the floor in front of the mirror, the little kitten scratching at its clothes uncomfortably. "Now quick, back into the wardrobe you go before Sebastian sees us." Ciel urged the cat to get up, stroking its soft fur before picking it up in his arms. Ciel was so occupied with his precious Ms. Betsy that he failed to notice the soft knock on the door.

"Young master, your tea-" Sebastian stopped and stared, his inhuman eyes widening considerably at the sight of two of his favorite things _together_. He would have dropped the fine china except that he was simply one hell of a butler and breaking fine china is simply _not _acceptable.

Ciel gulped, not even bothering to hide the cat as Ms. Betsy was purring so loudly it wouldn't have even made a difference. "Sebastian." He greeted with a curt nod.

"I thought you were allergic-"

"I lied." Ciel answered quickly.

"How long have you been-"

"A year."

"…" Silence ensued as both master and servant tried to sort out their conflicted feelings.

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><p><strong>~12 Minutes Later~<strong>

* * *

><p>"Would you care for some more tea, Ms. Betsy?" Sebastian knelt down next to the small cat, ready to pour the dainty feline another cup of tea the instant it so desired.<p>

"Of course she wants more tea, Sebastian, you know how she loves it." Ciel scoffed teasingly, giving the cat an affectionate pat on the head.

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><p>…<strong>Yeah. O_o xD Please review! :)<strong>


	19. His Butler, Serenading

**Characters: Sebastian, Lizzie, Ciel**

**Genre: Humor, romance**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji.**

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><p>Music slowly bleeds into the rich atmosphere, a low, deep voice joining in with the melody soon after. "Can you feel the love tonight~? It is where we are~"<p>

Suddenly, the harmony comes to a screeching halt. "Sebastian, what the hell are you doing?" Ciel's fork is poised above his dessert, his expression communicating 'if you don't have a perfectly good explanation for this, I'll cut you into a million pieces.'

Sebastian grinned innocently. "Why young master, I was just improving upon the mood this evening for you and Lady Elizabeth."

"Oh." _Really, Ciel, that's the best you can come up with? _Ciel's cheeks flushed bright red while Lizzie giggled shyly.

"Shall I continue, milord?" Sebastian queried.

"Fine." Ciel responded crossly.

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><p><strong>Someone's a die-hard CielxLizzie shipper~ -points to Sebastian- xD Just the thought of Sebastian shipping Ciel and Lizzie amuses me~ Please review! :)<strong>


	20. His Butler, April Fools!

**A/N I wanted to write something for April Fools, but I didn't get to doing it until afterwards, so…Happy Rather Late April Fools! **

**Characters: Sebastian, Mey-Rin, Bardroy, Finnian**

**Genre: Humor **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

**Other: Based on a true story. XD**

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><p>"Alright, the young master's counting on us, so let's do our best! We'll just leave the cookies here, and when Sebastian sees 'em, he'll <em>have <em>to try one! What man can resist such delicious cookies, after all?" Bard placed a plate of cookies on the table in the hallway, turning to Mey-Rin and Finny with a grin.

"Right! They smell sooo good!" Finny sniffed in the delicious scent of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, with a little extra something in it (wink wink).

"With our undefeatable mixture of Tanaka's mysterious lemonade mix tucked inside each cookie, this'll definitely be the best April Fools yet, yes it will!" Mey-Rin squealed.

"Quick, hide, he's coming!" Bard alerted the two servants to the stately butler's arrival, the trio quickly hiding themselves down the hall.

"Hm?" Sebastian paused for a moment, the odd platter of cookies randomly set on the table sticking out like a sore thumb. He scanned the hallway, quickly spotting (but not letting on that he had seen) those three pesky servants. Sebastian smirked, daintily picking up one of the cookies and nibbling on it. His eyes were watering and his throat irritated from the strong lemonade mixture (which he quickly recognized as belonging to Tanaka) but he carried on until he had completely consumed the wretched cookie. "I believe I shall take these to my room, and eat _all of it_." Sebastian announced loudly, making to go off to his room, a familiar racket stopping him.

"Nooo, Sebastian, please don't eat any more of those!" Finny cried out, running from his hiding place to hug the butler.

"Bloody hell man, are you insane?" Bard's conscience took over him and he ran out as well. "If you had eaten all of those you could have died!"

"We're so sorry, we didn't think it would go this far!" Mey-Rin chimed in, also throwing her arms around the now rather uncomfortable butler.

"April Fools!" The usually stoic butler interrupted the servants' crying. "It was merely a prank to celebrate the occasion. Not even my strong body could endure an entire plate of cookies of that caliber. And I'm certainly not daft enough to test it out."

"Sebastian!" The trio cried out, both relieved and upset that their own prank had turned on them.

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><p><strong>One of my friends offered me Oreo cookies with toothpaste instead of crème inside it, and I continued eating it, telling them that I enjoyed the flavor of toothpaste. Needless to say, I'm the odd one of the bunch. xD Please review! :)<strong>


	21. His Butler, Short

**Characters: Sebastian, everyone**

**Genre: Humor**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

**Other: Set in the future.**

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><p>"…Why is everyone taller than me?" Sebastian hadn't seen some of his old friends in a while, and he was horrified when he realized that everyone had grown taller than him. First Finny, than Baldroy, even Mey-Rin had surpassed him by an inch. Ciel had grown taller than him as well, and often liked to poke fun at Sebastian for his shortness. <em>What have I done to deserve this? <em>Sebastian groaned inwardly, smiling pleasantly at all of the guests and chuckling politely when they joked about how he seemed to have shrunk since they had last seen him.

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><p><strong>Idea from tumblr. I just find the thought of everyone being taller than Sebastian hysterical~ xD Please review! :)<strong>


	22. His Butler, Hallucinating

**A/N Request from treena-ivy-carter. ^^**

**Characters: Sebastian, Ciel, Pluto **

**Genre: Crack **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji.**

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><p>Sebastian handed the cup of tea over to his master, jumping a bit in surprise when a most undignified howl came from his young master, who had clumsily dropped his tea. "Milord?" Sebastian leaned in closer, narrowing his eyes in suspicion when he was met with Pluto's unpleasant face. Sebastian turned, jumping again in surprise at the sight of his young master dressed as a cat, carrying a cat, who was also dressed as a cat. It was like Catception. Sebastian groaned, placing a hand on top of his head as he's much too distinguished to facepalm. "I think I've had one too many cups of Tanaka's 'special' lemonade. What can I say, they're addicting…"<p>

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><p><strong>Please review! xD<strong>


	23. That Shinigami, Singing

**Characters: William, Grell, Ronald**

**Genre: Humor **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji**

**Other: I'm sorry I haven't updated in forever, but school's been...well, schooly. Don't worry Psychotic and Snow and RedVelvetDonut, I am working on your requests! I just felt bad about not having updated in a while, and I had this thing laying around, so yeah. xP**

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><p>"Come now darling, don't be stubborn~" Grell dragged William through the crowded bar. "It's karaoke night, I don't want to miss it."<p>

"Unhand me, Sutcliff. I don't know how you two managed to convince me to come here in the first place." William was about to reach up to adjust his glasses with his free hand, but Ronald grabbed onto William's arm and joined in the effort of pulling Will towards the stage.

"Aw, don't be like that. It'll be fun!" Ronald chimed in.

William sighed, letting himself be dragged onto the stage. He had come here mostly so that Grell and Ronald would leave him alone. "You're up after us." Grell winked and blew Will a kiss, skipping off to go do his duet with Ronald. William waited in the back, watching the two goof around. The song ended quicker than Will had anticipated.

"Good luck, boss." Ronald shuffled over to Will with a grin, a bottle of gin in his hand. William ignored Ron and marched over to the mic. Ronald and Grell just sat back laughing to themselves at what they were sure was going to be a disaster.

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><p>"Thank you, thank you very much! Good night, ladies and gentlemen!" Will blew kisses to the crowd, staggering over to Ronald and Grell with a bouquet of roses clutched to him and an uncharacteristic smile stretching across his face. "You guys were right, this really <em>was <em>fun!" William exclaimed. "Sorry it took so long though, but I just can't ignore my fans." Will threw a smile back at one of the ladies in the crowd, mouthing the words 'call me.'

Grell glared at the girl. "That bitch…" He muttered, the only thing stopping him from tearing her apart was Ronald's calming hand on his shoulder.

Ronald was still in shock, staring at Will like he was some other being from outer space. "…Senpai, I didn't know you could sing." Ronald finally spoke, new found respect and admiration in his voice.

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><p><strong>I got this idea from tumblr, which is basically where I get most all of my ideas. xD Oh tumblr, how I love thee~ Please review! :)<strong>


	24. His Butler, Switched

**A/N Request from Psychotic and Snow^^ **

**Characters: Sebastian, Claude, Alois, Ciel**

**Genre: Humor, crack xD **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji or Disco Pogo. **

**Other: What if Alois and Ciel switched butlers for the day…**

* * *

><p>Alois was shocked. Without any expectation of actually having his request fulfilled, he had asked his butler for the day to chuckle obnoxiously whilst juggling bananas that have been set on fire while also riding around on a unicycle. And now here Sebastian was, only moments later. "Bwahahahahaha!" Sebastian laughed, carefully juggling the lit bananas as he balanced precariously on the unicycle.<p>

Alois clapped his hands in delight. "Why, you're nothing like Claude at all!"

"Of course not…Mwahahahaha…I'm simply…ahahahaha…one hell of a butler…" Sebastian spat out in between detestable fits of laughter.

"Ole~!" Alois twirled, dancing around the odd sight that was Sebastian.

**~Meanwhile, at the Phantomhive Manor~**

Silence had loomed throughout the house for the past 5 hours. Ciel Phantomhive sat stiffly at his desk, quill pen coming to a stop as he finished his last math problem for the day. "…Claude, get me some tea." He said, not bothering to look up at the person he was addressing.

"…Yes, your highness." Claude bowed and left the room to go get the tea.

It was a most boring day for the two indeed. But I supposed any household would be considered boring compared to the Trancy manor.

**~Back at the Trancy Manor~ **

"Disco pogo, dingelingeling, dingelingeling! Alle Atzen sing'n!"

"Woooo yeahhhh! Voll normal verfeiern mit, Ich fass mir auch mal in den Schritt, Breakdance, oder Atzentanz, Wir tanzen heut' den Pogohit!" Alois cheered, singing random lyrics and dancing around the dark room. Sebastian threw a bunch of glow in the dark sticks in the air, turning up the volume to the loud music.

"I never wanna go back!" Sebastian yelled, stocking up on glow in the dark bracelets.

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><p><strong>I had to include Disco Pogo, I just had to. xD Please review!<strong>


	25. His Butler, Scared

**A/N Request from RedVelvetDoughnut. **

**Characters: Sebastian, Ciel, Baldroy**

**Genre: Crack**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji.**

* * *

><p>Broadway tunes blasted from an unknown source, filling the airy room with its dramatic music. A stage light shone upon the lone figure in the middle of the stage. The person began tap dancing, waving his top hate and cane dramatically. "Hit it, Baldie!" Ciel shrieked, signaling for the "chef" to begin playing the piano.<p>

Sebastian raised an eyebrow from his front row seat. He struggled not to burst out laughing when Ciel started belting out I Feel Pretty from Westside Story. "Young master? I don't mean to be rude, but why exactly are you-"

"I FEEL PRETTY, OH SO PRETTY, I FEEL PRETTY AND WITTY AND GAY~" Ciel paused to glare at Sebastian. "How dare you interrupt my performance!" _Smack. _Ciel's wrath came down on Sebastian's head quite literally, in the form of the cane that Ciel had been twirling around but moments before. _Smack. Smack. Smack. _Sebastian blinked in surprise. The cane didn't really hurt, in fact, the _cane _was starting to bend and dent from the force of Ciel's attacks, not the other way around, but he was still surprised, nonetheless. Sebastian sighed.

"I believe I shall retire to my room now." He got up, ignoring Ciel's whines of protest.

"Nuuuuu, don't go, Lil' Seb~!" Ciel brandished his cane menacingly. "Or…or…I'll hurt a cat!" Baldroy threw a random cat out to Ciel from his place in the wings of the stage. Sebastian gasped. Never before had his master been so frightening. "Hehehehehehe…" Ciel threw his head back and laughed, his scary laugh amplified thanks to the creepy sound effects Baldroy was messing around with in the back.

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><p>"And then Baldroy accidentally pushed the 'destroy entire world' button." Ciel explained.<p>

Sebastian sat by his master's bedside, listening to his every word intently. Ciel had had a bad dream, and Sebastian felt it was his duty to be there for the young boy. "…I see." The butler shook his head at the oddity of Ciel's most recent dream.

"What do you think it means?" Ciel looked up at Sebastian, stifling a yawn and glancing over at the clock.

"…I think it means you had too much sugar before bed." Sebastian replied bluntly.

"…Oh."

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><p><strong>AN Yeppers. xD I'm so sorry for taking so long to update everything, but I have a good reason! I was grounded. For like a month. Long story. Forgive me?**


	26. His Butler, Talking To Himself

**Characters: Sebastian, Baldroy, Finnian, Mey-Rin**

**Genre: Humor **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji.**

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><p>"What is Mister Sebastian doingggg?" Finnian turned his bright, questioning eyes up towards Baldroy. Instead of tending to their chores, the two were peeking out from behind the door, spying on the hardworking butler.<p>

"Looks like he's talkin' to himself. All those late nights must've made him one fire short of an explosion, if ya know what I mean." Baldroy responded, squinting his eyes and straining his ear to try to catch what Sebastian was saying.

"Finny! Baldo! What are you two doing!" Mey-Rin shouted, dropping her pile of laundry when she bumped into the other two servants.

"Keep it down, will ya!" Baldroy hissed, clamping a hand over Mey-Rin's mouth and dragging her away from the open door.

"Mister Sebastian's been talking to himself all day." Finny whisper-explained.

"Oh no! Is he alright, is he? He hasn't gone mad, has he?" A worried blush crept over the maid's face.

"Who knows?" Baldroy shrugged.

The trio leaned over to see what Sebastian was up to now.

"How perfectly perfect in every way." Sebastian stood back to gaze at the bowl of food that he had just prepared. "Oh, how cooperative you are today." He murmured, taking a dish out and pouring some milk out into it. "There we go." The butler set the two dishes down on the floor. "Come here, love. It's time for your treat." He called softly. A small, black kitten timidly snuck towards the two bowls and began lapping up the milk, stopping to take a few dainty nibbles of the specially made cat food. "Made with love," Sebastian cooed, "enjoy, dearest pet."

Baldroy blinked. Finnian and Mey-Rin slowly turned to stare expectantly at the wannabe chef. "Well," Baldroy started slowly, "I guess that's one way to cope in this crazy household."


	27. His Lady, Duly Departed

**Characters: Lizzie, Demon!Ciel, Sebastian **

**Genre: Tragedy, romance**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

**A/N This takes place years after the end of season 2.**

* * *

><p>Alone.<p>

The woman lay there, completely and utterly alone.

Her family and friends had all passed away long ago, and there were no children or grandchildren to accompany her on her deathbed for the woman, Lady Elizabeth Ethel Cordelia Midford, had refused to even entertain the possibility of a second engagement.

Ciel watched his former fiancé from the shadows, an unreadable expression on his face. Almost unbearable sorrow at such a young age had stolen the light from Ciel's eyes, and now he was seeing that very same startling metamorphosis reflected in the eyes of Elizabeth, the one person he had hoped would never be forced to change in such a cruel, drastic way. There was no more innocent glow surrounding her, none of that familiar kindness in her smile. Life had not been kind to her, and she had aged because of it. Ciel could spot a hint of Elizabeth's former beauty lurking about on her tired features, but it did him no good to dwell on the past.

Ciel finally gathers up the courage to step forward, in plain sight of Elizabeth. He swallows nervously as he approaches her bed, any words that he had been planning on saying having fled his mind. "Lizzie," He says softly, the nickname that he had often refused to use feeling oddly appropriate now. Ciel smirks slightly when he sees Elizabeth turn to him, tears welling up in her eyes the moment she sets eyes on him. _She always did cry a lot. _

"Oh, Ciel," Elizabeth inhales sharply, "is that really you?" Her breathes start coming in short and ragged, her eyes searching Ciel's as she tries to figure out if the person before her is just another figment of her delusional mind.

Ciel calmly stares back, a sad smiling playing on his lips. "Y-Yeah," He says, finding his voice, "it's really me." He drags a chair from the corner of the room to Elizabeth's bedside and takes a seat. "H-How are you? How have you been?" The shaky, meaningless words tumble from Ciel's mouth unbidden, but Elizabeth takes no notice of it.

A heartbreakingly joyful expression comes over her as she cries out, "I knew you'd come back, I knew you'd come back for me!" Elizabeth bursts into a coughing fit, collapsing back onto the bed exhausted but content a moment later. Ciel shifts uncomfortably, not having completely expected his return to have invoked this reaction. Elizabeth notices and misunderstands this sudden movement on Ciel's part. "No! No…Please…Please don't leave me…Not again…" She's sobbing now as she blindly reaches out a hand, which is quickly enveloped by Ciel's own.

He grasps her hand in his firmly, bringing it up to lightly kiss the back of her knuckles as he murmurs, "I won't leave you, Lizzie, I promise you. I'll be by your side…until the end." Elizabeth sinks back into her pillow, satisfied.

"I love you…" She mumbles with a sigh.

Ciel trembles and closes his eyes, trying to hold back the tears that are sure to come. Right now, he's just happy to hold her and be near her, but there's something he needs to get off his chest, to tell her before it's too late. He opens his sapphire blue eyes and takes a deep breath. "Lizzie, I love-" He stops as abruptly as he had started. He chokes back a sob.

She's gone.

"Oh," Ciel breathes, his body shaking with the effort of trying to keep his grief contained, "It's…it's…too…soon…" He can't take it anymore. He releases her hand. He cries. The weight of his anguished cries bows his head and threaten to tear the boy apart. He knew from the start that her death was imminent, but he didn't think it would hit him this hard, that it would be like this. He didn't think letting her go would be this difficult.

Ciel knows it's no use. He doesn't want to go just yet, but he knows that no amount of wishing or wanting can bring back the dead. Personal experience has taught him this. If he doesn't leave now, he may shatter. He gets up and erases any evidence of what had just come to pass. "Farewell, love," He whispers his final words to her and presses a gentle kiss to her forehead.

He throws one last loving glance her way before phasing through the wall.

"Sebastian," Ciel calls for his manservant.

"Master." Sebastian refuses to look Ciel in the eyes. No affectionate 'young' before master, no condescending smirk, no teasing tone. Ever since Ciel had been turned into a demon, and Sebastian had found himself bound to his master for life, things had been different between the two. The relationship between master and servant had been greatly damaged, possibly without repair.

Ciel sighs, his shoulders hunched over with the incredible burdens on his shoulders. "Let's go."

He doesn't look back.

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><p><strong>AN I hope that was at least somewhat depressing. xD I don't usually write tragedy, so this was probably an utter failure, but I tried my best. Please review! :)**


	28. His Butler, Insubordinate

**Characters: Ciel, Will, Sebastian, Grell**

**Genre: Humor**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

**A/N I think by now you should just assume that most all of my ideas comes from tumblr. Everyday I'm tumblin'. XD**

* * *

><p>"Oh yes, that always manages to frustrate me as well…Exactly!" Muffled bits of conversation and the clinking of tea cups filter through the wall where Sebastian and Grell both have an ear pressed up against it. Sebastian never thought he'd end up investigating (more like eavesdrop on) the higher-ups (AKA, Ciel and William T. Spears) with Grell, but here they both were. It took a little while for both demon and shinigami to put two and two together, but when Ciel started having a certain mysterious stranger over every Thursday afternoon for tea and the time Will always left every Thursday was the same time in the afternoon without fail…<p>

"It's Will, I just know it!" Grell exclaimed, his high heels clacking as he paced.

Sebastian shushed the excited shinigami. "Perhaps, but what on earth could they be talking about?"

"What _I_ want to know is just _how _we're gonna find out what it is that they've been so secretly discussing. I'm just dying to know! Seems awfully scandalous, the two of them all alone together being all secretive…" Grell's mind, as usual, raced to the naughtiest conclusion.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes. "I would advise you not to sully my master's good name so carelessly. And not so loud, or they might hear us."

"Too late." Ciel stood in the doorway, a faintly peeved smirk on his face. "I trust there's a good explanation for this…?" He ignored their guilty and shocked expressions, knowing full well that there really _wasn't_ a good explanation.

"Young master, I was merely concerned about your…safety." Sebastian glared suspiciously at Will, who had been standing in the doorway next to Ciel this whole time.

"Explain, Sutcliff." Will coolly looked past Sebastian to Grell.

"Oh, I just can't resist such a cold, stoic man." The red-haired shinigami blew Will a kiss. "I just wanted to know what you and the brat were up to, that's all."

Will glanced back at Ciel, who nodded slightly. "Honestly," he muttered. "To be blunt, the reason for these weekly meetings is to retain some form of sanity. We find both of your insubordination intolerable, and find that discussing it helps us to relax and prepare for the upcoming onslaught of impudence."

"You can't be serious!" Both Sebastian and Grell cried out in unison.

"Quite." Ciel deadpanned. Earl and shinigami turned their back on demon and shinigami. "What'd I tell you? They're simply too blind to see the error of their ways." Ciel shook his head.

"Indeed." Will agreed with a sigh. "Same time next Thursday?"

Ciel smiled. "You know it!"

Grabbing Grell and dragging him out the door by his hair, Will added, "Oh, and shall I let Sebastian over there babysit this wretch as well?"

"Ciel nodded. "Sounds like a plan. Until next time."


	29. His Butler, Perfectly Delicious

**Characters: Sebastian, Alois, Ciel**

**Genre: Humor**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji. **

**A/N I got this idea from roleplay. Roleplay, what would we do without it? :D (Probably get more things accomplished). XD**

* * *

><p>Alois bounced up and down in his seat. He was a guest at the Phantomhive's, and ready to put their butler to work. He had walked into the kitchen at midnight and had requested churros as his midnight snack from Sebastian, who apparently was still up and working at this hour. He was disappointed that he wasn't able to wake the butler from his sleep, but he was sure that there were other ways to annoy such a serious man. "What's takkinggg sooo longggg…?" Alois complained rather loudly. It had been almost a minute and he was starting to get impatient.<p>

"What's all the noise about?" Ciel rubbed his eyes and trudged over to the table, taking a seat as he stifled a yawn.

"Sebastian's making churros!" Alois cheered, not caring that he had just woken up the master of the household from his slumber.

"Uh huh…" Ciel perked up slightly at the mention of the sugary treat.

"Yay!" Alois clapped his hands in delight when Sebastian came out of the kitchen with a tray of the requested food. The butler set the food down, raising an eyebrow at the sight of his supposedly asleep master.

"Having trouble sleeping?" Sebastian inquired knowingly. Ciel answered with a small shrug. "I apologize if we have awoken you." Sebastian bowed his head.

"It's fine, just don't make it a habit." Ciel waved Sebastian's apology off.

Alois bit into a churro. It was delicious, but it angered him that Sebastian's cooking was better than Claude's. "These are horrible! How dare you call yourself a butler with these shoddy cooking skills!" Alois threw the platter onto the ground and then stormed up to his room.

Both servant and master stared dismayed at the mess on the floor. Ciel licked his lips longingly. He had so looked forward to those churros, and now they were ruined. "I don't understand…I did my best…" Sebastian said forlornly.

Ciel awkwardly patted Sebastian on the back, trying to cheer up the distressed butler. "I'm sure your churros are perfectly delicious. I'm sure they are." He murmured, bowing his head in mourning for what could have been a perfectly delicious midnight snack.

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><p><strong>AN So much drama over churros. o.o Please review! XD**


	30. That Earl, A Man

**Characters: Alois, Ciel**

**Genre: Crack**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji.**

* * *

><p>Ciel looked down at the note in his hands. Yesterday, Ciel had found this note on his desk addressed to him from Alois saying "Meet me in the forest tomorrow afternoon if you want to become a man." Ciel didn't particularly like Alois but he wanted to find out what on earth the boy was talking about. "Well, I'm here," he said out-loud, his eyes lazily surveying the forest scenery. Ciel was starting to think Alois had forgotten and was about to leave when the blonde haired boy himself suddenly jumped out from behind a tree.<p>

"Let's get down to business to defeat the Huns!" Alois sang as he shoved a bamboo stick into Ciel's hands.

"Is this some sort of history lesson?" Ciel narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Because if that's the case, I'll have you know-"

"Did they send me daughters, when I asked for sons?" He cut Ciel off.

"Don't you think that's just a bit sexist? And hey, are you implying that I'm a –"

"You're the saddest bunch I ever met, and you can bet before we're through~" Alois danced closer to Ciel.

"I'm the only one here." Ciel looked over his shoulder to insure the truth of that statement.

Alois poked Ciel in the chest with another bamboo stick. "Mister, I'll make a man out of you!" If Alois even noticed Ciel's little commentary, he didn't show it.

Ciel sighed. "This really isn't necessary…"

"Tranquil as a forest, but a fire within! Once you find your center, you are sure to win!" Alois, still paying zero attention to Ciel, leapt onto a rock and posed in some random karate position. "You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven't got a clue~ Somehow I'll make a man out of you!"

"You're a very annoying person, you know that?" Ciel huffed.

Alois carried on singing and dancing, not caring that his bamboo stick was whacking Ciel in the face. "I'm never gonna catch my breath, say goodbye to those who knew me~ Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym! This guy's got 'em scared to death; hope he doesn't see right through me~ Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!" Ciel just shook his head, refusing to say any more as he would only be interrupted and ignored again. "To be a man! You must be swift as a coursing river. To be a man! With all the force of a great typhoon. To be a man! With all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon!"

Ciel put his face in his hands. "Why me…?"

"Time is racing toward us till the Huns arrive! Heed my every order, and you might survive-"

"Shut up, just shut up!" Ciel couldn't stand having his manliness questioned any longer. In his rage he tried to break the bamboo stick he had been given over his knee, but he wasn't strong enough so he settled for just throwing it on the ground with lots of emotion and feeling. He stormed away.

Alois stared sadly after Ciel. "You're not suited for the rage of war, so pack it up, go home, you're through. How could I make a man of youuuuu…"

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><p><strong>AN To be a man you must review with the intensity of a thousand midnight suns. ;)**


	31. His Butler, Shopping

**Characters: Sebastian, Grell**

**Genre: Crack**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji.**

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><p>It had been so long, Sebastian couldn't even remember the last time that he had gotten the day off. The handsome butler was walking around town, admiring all of the creative displays set up in every window. He was on the lookout for a more casual pair of clothes, for as much as he loved the suit that he usually wore, it wasn't exactly appropriate attire for the occasions when he was off duty or on a mission that required him to blend in. He technically never is off duty, but a butler can dream.<p>

He stopped and strolled over to one of the windows he had passed by; something shiny in the display having caught his eye. He held his breath and clasped his hands in adulation, for there before him were the nicest pair of boots that he had ever laid eyes upon. "Almost as lovely as a newborn kitten," he cooed, unable to take his eyes off the boots. The shoes were almost exactly like the shoes he wore in his demon form, and he had quite a few pairs of those very same boots, but he just couldn't help wanting more. The moment was broken by an all too familiar voice.

"Ah~ They're perfect!" Bright red hair, razor sharp teeth, overly flamboyant speech…

Sebastian turned around with a glare. "Grell…What do you want?"

"Bassie!" Grell glomped Sebastian as way of greeting. "Aren't those stripper boots simply fabulous, darling?" Grell leaned against the irritated butler and tilted his head. "The price is a bit steep but I think I'll manage." He winked, about to step into the store when Sebastian, on impulse, stopped him. "Eh?"

"W-what do you think you're doing?" Sebastian winced at the way that sentence came out. "And what the _hell_ did you just call them?" He hissed, glad his voice sounded stronger this time.

Grell rolled his eyes, his lips still curved in that ever present grin. "Stripper boots, darling, I'm going to go buy the stripper boots."

The butler narrowed his eyes competitively. "Not if I can get to them first."

"Oh come now, Bassie, let's not quarrel. We could always share them. It'll be like those pansy friendship necklaces, only sexier," Grell teased.

Sebastian twitched and "accidentally" punched Grell in the face. "Oops, muscle spasm. Pardon me." The butler stepped over the fallen shinigami and quickly purchased the coveted boots, quickly returning a moment later to muffled shouts of "I've fallen and I can't get up!" and other lines from those keep-an-eye-on-your-old-person commercials.

"But…but that's not fair!" Grell whined when he extracted himself from the hard pavement and saw what Sebastian had done.

"All's fair when it comes to 'stripper boots.'" Sebastian spat out, clearly still peeved at the name of these clearly still dignified pieces of footwear. "Besides," he clutched the package closer to himself, "I saw these first." And with that he left the shinigami in the dust, ready to continue on his merry way.


	32. That Shinigami, To Die!

**Characters: Ronald Knox, Amelia Cartwright, John, Thomas (Very minor OCs) **

**Genre: Hurt/comfort**

**Other: Ronald's POV.**

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><p>Her name was Amelia. Amelia Cartwright. Pretty little thing, though I must say, it was rather depressing seeing that beautiful face all stained with blood like that.<p>

My eyes darted back and forth across her cinematic record, the white light and twisting strips of film curling around me to form a sort of cocoon. "Ah, there's your son! Thomas was his name, right? Died when he was two…huh…Well, you'll be seeing your little boy soon, okay? Nothing to worry about." I turned to her suspended corpse with a smile. She was still pretty easy on the eyes if you could overlook the trampled limbs and rather grotesque mark that my custom scythe had made on her. Her blonde hair fanned out behind her, her usually sweet expression turned to one of short-lived horror out of place on such an angelic face.

I hunched over, squinting down at a scene of Amelia and her husband (John is his name) sharing a good natured argument on what to name their newborn son. "Looks like you had a pretty nice life, Miss." I commented. I know that talking to a woman who's already long gone seems pointless, in fact, if the other reapers found out, I would never hear the end of it, but comforting the souls as they make their journey is not as pointless as it appears. Talking to those I reap is the way I cope with my rather demanding job, I suppose you could say. But not only does it help ease my conscience, but it can also help quiet down any restless souls and make for a more efficient reaping that's less likely to be filled with attacks. It's a trick Grell taught me, but I won't get into that.

"Whoa!" I narrowly dodged a small strike made with one of the records. "Getting a little feisty, aren't ya? I understand, you must be getting impatient, especially with me just running my mouth over here instead of sticking to my job like I'm supposed to." Apparently Amelia doesn't like to be reminded of the good life that she's going to be leaving behind. And what the lady wants the lady gets. "I'm sorry; I meant to say that you had a _horrible _life. No really, truly _awful. _Your firstborn son ends up dead, the business is failing…You must be glad that it's almost over." Yes. Reverse psychology. I went there. And lo and behold it actually sort of worked, despite my lame "attempts." Her soul calmed down and put a stop to the random bouts of violence on my person.

I knew I should be moving on now, so I quickly got her records sorted out before waving a quick farewell. "So long, Miss. Who knows, maybe I'll see you on the other side."

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><p><strong>Just a day in the life of Ronald. XD So yeah, nothing too special. Just a little something-something. :P I'm not very satisfied with this, but I just had to update. XD I'm sorry if he's OOC and stuff, but I only know what I know from that small part in the anime, as I haven't gotten to his part in the manga yet. I don't really like reading online; I prefer to wait until I can buy it. I'm just stubborn like that. xD<strong>

**I'm sorry for taking so long to update, and I can't promise that my updates will be getting any faster. School's taking up so much of my time right now, but I have a few things that I'm working on in the Kuroshitsuji fandom (some will be released here if short enough, others separate of course) but all this might not be for a while. I'm really sorry. DX I still take requests, though! So far most of my ideas are for fics too long to be put here, so if anyone has any request, they'll be more than welcome! ^^**


	33. His Butler, Savior of Delusions

**Characters: Ciel, Sebastian, Elizabeth **

**Genre: Does 'confusing tripe' count as a genre?**

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><p>There had been a dreadful accident. Ciel could still see Elizabeth trampled on the ground, the oncoming carriage having dashed her over.<p>

"Why couldn't you save her?"

The question seemed so simple.

"You could have saved her, Sebastian." Ciel stood up from behind his desk, not keeping his eyes off the butler, who reluctantly met his master's gaze. "There was still time. The carriage- You could have-"This is where Ciel's voice started to waver, where his calm demeanor, which had been his shield in battle for so long, began showing signs of wear and tear; the inevitable cracks in his normally stone cold visage threatening to surface in the form of silent, dry sobs that wracked his whole body and clenched fists that threatened to strike out and pummel the first thing that dared touch him. He began to pace as he receded into his mind, letting his angered, frantic thoughts spill out. "Elizabeth wasn't supposed to die! I thought I gave you the order to save her. No, I _did _give you an order. A _direct _order, do you hear me, Sebastian? Why the hell couldn't you perform that one simple task!?" He turned back towards Sebastian, directing all of his hate and rage into one infuriated glare.

Although those scathing words and pointed looks would have made any lesser man tremble, Sebastian barely even batted an eye at his master's cries. "Please calm down, young master."

"I order you to tell me the truth. Why didn't you save her?" Ciel's tone of voice was tense and much softer than before, perhaps somewhat mollified by the reminder of his high rank and his current state of being, but only a fool would not have been able to tell that he was the opposite of calm right now.

Sebastian took a small, poised breath, something akin to uncomfortable regret for what he was about to tell the earl lingering on his dispassionate mask of a face. "Because there was never anything to save."

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><p><strong>AN: I based this off of a headcanon I found on tumblr where Lizzie turns out to just have been a figment of Ciel's imagination. Like, she had died in a fire years ago and no one had the heart to tell him. So yeah. XD I could have written this so much better and less confusing if I honestly tried, I think, but I don't know how to go about doing that. So you can believe anything you like about this random drabble; make whatever you wish of it.**

**Reviewers get…um…the joy in knowing that they're safe from any oncoming carriages at the moment? ^_^; -lame bribe is lame- Orz **


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